bluepepper: (Default)
[personal profile] bluepepper
I find it difficult to put thought to words. Some would find this an easy task. Me, not so. I procrastinate on this one. I always have. I've never enjoyed creative writing. I'm unsure of why this seemingly simple task is so daunting to me. List making. Thought to words. I keep thinking I aught to update my journal but then the thought becomes overwhelming. I never know where to start or what to put to words. It feels like I just spew words into paragraphs, this awkward writing style I have. I write a few lines and then get tired. So then I put the computer away and nothing ever seems to get posted. And what does get posted is just a teensy weensy little snippet of what has been going on in my world because I don't have the attention span to get it written down. So then... what's my issue? Attention span? Planning? Forethought? Awareness? Preparedness? Tiredness? Commitment? What is it that I actually give a damn about? What do I want to do from here on out? My brain just answered "Train". Train. I seem to be afraid of success. Because I'm afraid of failing I am apprehensive of seriously committing to training. Success doesn't come without the risk of failure. I feel like I'm flailing and want to have someone take me by the hand and do with me the steps to success. But then I think if I think that way I'm part of the problem. Blindly being led. Sheep mentality. I want to be challenged and I'm afraid at the same time.

Date: 2017-05-22 07:24 pm (UTC)
grim23: (Darker)
From: [personal profile] grim23
At least update your list, and recognize your successes and challenges.

Failure is not training and not being prepared because you were not trained.

“The oldest and strongest emotion of mankind is fear, and the oldest and strongest kind of fear is fear of the unknown.” – H.P. Lovecraft

The Fear Litany

Date: 2017-05-23 04:48 am (UTC)
grim23: (Grim)
From: [personal profile] grim23
I must not fear.
Fear is the mind-killer.
Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration.
I will face my fear.
I will permit it to pass over me and through me.
And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path.
Where the fear has gone there will be nothing.
Only I will remain.

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